I Don’t Want to Cheer Up

Sometimes we get down in the dumps.  Feel like crap, whether it be a relationship issue, someone close passing away, or even failing a math test.  We’ve all been there.  It’s ironic, the way people are, in general.  Our natural instinct is to cheer someone up when they seem down, but majority of the time, the other party wants nothing to do with feeling better.  They want to basque in their own pain and suffering.  It’s odd.  To me, anyways.

“I don’t want to cheer up today

happiness stay out of my way

all my troubles are here to stay

’cause I don’t want to cheet up today”

-Potential Song…posted soon

Love is…

I think I found out what love is, today.  I don’t know why it popped into my head, but it did.  So, now, I’m going to share it with you.

People are always saying things like “We’re so perfect” and “We’re like twins!” but this stuff won’t cut it.  You don’t have to find someone who’s exactly like you, or who you completely adore in every way.  They have to be everything that you’re not.  I know it sounds cliche but its the truth.  If I love to exclude myself from all social situations, then obviously a person who is very social would complete my lack of social abilities.

Now, I’m not trying to tell you what love is.  I’m trying to tell you what is, in some cases, right.  For instance, break-ups are a healthy (but awful) part of one’s life.  Back to the anti-social example, if my said partner and I were to end our relationship, it would be for the best, whether I’m deeply saddened or enraged, it’s for the best.  We have to trust in one another that we’ll tell the other how we’re feeling.  This is really tough, but like a wise-girl told me (to use in a song):

“you have to have so much confidence and trust in the other person,

trust that they’d tell you when they didn’t have the same feelings anymore

trust that they mean it with all their heart when they say they love you”

This is a hard thing to obtain.  Even when you might think you have it, something might hit you when your the most vulnerable because you seem so confident.  It’s almost like being conceited.  You might feel really good at something, and then something else comes along that flips your world upside down.  Like maybe changing the place your most comfortable, the place where your family and friends are, the place you grew up in, the place you loved the most and felt so perfect in.  It can change, just like relationships.  They can change in a matter of seconds.

So what am I trying to tell you here.  I can name a few things, but everyone will take different things away with them.  Maybe you learned something, in which case I might have helped you.  Or maybe you disagree completely with everything that I just said, in which case I helped you form an opinion about something that you might not have had before you read this.  However you feel about this, it’s for the best.

-J

Maturity

I sat on a set of stairs today.  I haven’t in awhile.  I was wearing a tie, button-down shirt, kaki pants, and dress shoes (and socks).  I felt mature, grown up.  I felt like I was important, not for where I was going or what I was doing, but for where I was in my life.  I felt proud, but not too proud.  I felt like I had my head on straight, like I was doing everything right and perfect at that exact moment in time.  I wished time could stop so that I could see myself, mature, all grown up.  I had my hands folded, perfectly, just as all the mature adults did it.  I sat as if on a mighty king’s throne (quite politely, of course) while watching my loyal subjects dance about for me in my court.  I took a look at my perfect posture, but then I noticed that my feet were crossed.  As if I had duck feet.  As if I was a slopy person.  I was not who I thought I was.  I was a mess.  I corrected my mistake quite quickly, I didn’t want loyal subjects to see that their leader had his feet crossed like an idiot.  Now my posture was perfect.  And yet, now another flaw.  My cuff was unbottoned.  I really was a mess.  I’m not perfect.  I know this.  But what I have to realize is that no one is, so why should I be worried about fixing my imperfections.  They make me who I am.  My imperfections make me who I am.

Past Love Smile

Hello again my long time friend,

You’re sad for being in love again

Its been awhile since we last spoke

Our love ago seems like a joke

Where will he go after he’s through

What will he say what will you do

I know that you’re dying inside

But that smile is what you hide behind

Sorry

The man who walks down life-breathing lane
Walks past the tree that has always remained
He plucks off a leaf from the great Tuttle tree
And the gentle words from his lips say “I’m sorry”

He places the leaf into a scuttle
And brings him home not able to subtle
The words that he would like to say
But all of his troubles were about to away

The man who is sorry knows what he has done
And waits for the mourn to see Tuttle’s favorite son
As he is weeping for his dearly departed
Everyone is waiting for the wake to get started

As Sorry is watching at the service below
He sees Tuttle turning brown even though
He is witnessing a family’s favorite man go
But has complete control like a child’s puppet show

As the priest says a blessing and later that night
A toast is given to the one who is buried tight
Underneath the ground and ever cold
Is waiting to be judged, eternally bold

The Girl Unknown

She casts her shadow through the midnight air

And through my window is my unnoticed stare

Her name could be anything

But such a name could not carry her utter grace and beauty

Flawless is an understatement when it comes to women like this

I know the way to add to her unimaginable bliss

I now know what it’s like to be in love

All my other acquaintances were nothing compared to her

The stripes that stretch across her path

Are lucky that they might touch her wrath

Her aura fades from red to green

and now that she has left my sight

The time has come to drive

For now it’s time to drive

My Inner Criminal

All the lies of yesterday

Never seem to melt away

but the lies still linger

with my ink stained fingers

Post-Suicidal Thoughts

I once stood at the edge of forever

And watched the clouds gather together

I know that we aren’t everlasting yet

but I hoped that we’d be happy when we first met

The Pianist

The lights go up as she mutters a word

Her fingers pressed against her keys

Glances show that the audience has heard

She cracks a smile with great and utter ease

Her foot on the pedal taps the beat

Neck stretching, teeth bearing, eyes closing

Wincing at emotion complete

Innocence and sorrow now convincingly showing

An opening of light crosses her path

Crying for help she screams to the gods

Now slowly she is grasping for breath

And recovers from her open wound at all odds

Open Secret

Opened from the inside out

I find myself speaking aloud

My foul past regains its spirit

Wandering noses intend to hear it

For closed ears hear everything unsaid

This is my own fault to bear instead

Touching closely my depth of heart

The battle that rages I tried not to start

With so much willful good as I

Pointing fingers at the bad outside

I blame the one who casually invites

Their playful mind to all my rights

That touches the inner part of me

I can only ask with a quiet plea

That nothing be said and nothing be heard

But to hear of this is completely absurd

Now nothing left but to say goodbye

My doubtful truth that cannot hide

Some stay ill and others recover

But here is now and I am forever